Wanted: English Major. Must have read The Catcher in the Rye and written a lengthy essay about Nathaniel Hawthorne.

I’ve been looking online and in the paper for months and, unfortunately, I haven’t seen any classified ads that read similar to the title of this blog post. I know that there are people out there writing things, because I read things all the time. Cereal boxes, pamphlets, microwave instruction manuals, billboards… All of these things have writing on them; I’ve seen it.

Where do the people who write these things go to find work? (Kellogg’s talent scouts: if you’re reading this, you should know that I have some great story ideas about Snap, Crackle, and Pop that I think would be perfect for the back of a Rice Krispies box. Call me.) I’ve seen postings for writing-related positions, but they always want “experienced writers,” which begs another question: where do all of these experienced writers get all of this experience? Why isn’t writing about how delicious Pop Tarts are an entry level position? I have over thirty years of experience eating things, but I can’t find one person who wants to pay me to write about what these things taste like.

A lot of places also want writing samples, which I have plenty of, but I’m not sure that New Critical essays on The House of the Seven Gables  and Huckleberry Finn are what they are looking for. I assume they mean professional writing samples that I wrote while doing the mysterious work necessary to amass the five years of experience that I also need for the position. So that looks like another dead end.

Then there are job postings that want “blogging experience,” or “sample blog posts.” So I thought: “Hey, wait a minute! I could start a blog!” So I immediately sat down and created a blog about roleplaying games, a topic so eccentric and geeky that it clearly wouldn’t work in this capacity. Then the light bulb came on all the way, and I created this blog. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

(Note: The “Related Articles” below have not been peer reviewed. I have no idea what the content is like. It looks like they talk about The Catcher in the Rye and Nathaniel Hawthorne though, and I did a little too. So in that sense they are related.)

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1 Comment

Filed under Unemployed English Majors

One response to “Wanted: English Major. Must have read The Catcher in the Rye and written a lengthy essay about Nathaniel Hawthorne.

  1. I feel your pain brother. I went through college as an English major with hopes of being a happy high school teacher after graduation. I taught for two years before being laid off and moving with my fiancé to another state. So I thought, “Why don’t I try something other than teaching like technical writing or copy writing.” Hah! Good luck! Apparently my 2 years of teaching English isn’t good enough for the required 5 years experience needed for even the most mundane jobs. Lol, at any rate, I love the blog.

    Followed.

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